I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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