You're my little dorito
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
