I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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