i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
