So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
