You just made me feel so damn special
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
