I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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