I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
