I love black thongs
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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