I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
