Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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