I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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