Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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