great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
