The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
