@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
