you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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