i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
