I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just sucked dick on a ferry
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
