i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
