i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
