Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
