i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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