Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
