beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
