my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
