oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
