Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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