$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
