I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
