you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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