Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
