OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
