what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
