after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
