why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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