saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
