HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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