Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
