I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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