whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
