I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
