Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
