It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
