i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
