Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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