she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
