This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
