i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
