My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
