And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
