Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
