Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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